he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
