OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
