I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
