get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
