He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
