I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
