Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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