I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
