i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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