youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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