My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Farmville is her only friend.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
