I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
