I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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