you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
false alarm. still invincible.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
