it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
