i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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