Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He has the fingertips of a God
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
