Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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