rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
