I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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