My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
