Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
