to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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