He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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