I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
