when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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