I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
