At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
