i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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