I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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