She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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