I want to have your abortion
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
