You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
