just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
