If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
