On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
false alarm. still invincible.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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