i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
