Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
