my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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