this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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