Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
