i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
