Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
