Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
