After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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