Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
