kristin has been a bad kristin
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
