I murdered the dance floor call the cops
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
this hospital has no fireball
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
