Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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