Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
