How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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