so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we should paint friendship bongs
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