Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
