Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
